Much ado about Yuffie love
by super-calisto
Summary: A crazy crack comdy love fic about Yuffie and Vincent.Sephy has control over Shrina/WRO, Cloud's stuffing forks into his hair and zombie Areis is looking for brains. Also much, much, more stuff for no reason! This has all been rewritten as of 2009!
1. Much ado about crazy love!

**Much Ado About Yuffie love **

Ok this is my new story to mess with the lives of FF7 characters. At the moment it has no title but its made up of dreams I've had, things that have happened to me, my friends, random people somewhere I'm sure, things I've seen, heard or just came out of my odd and strange imagination. Thank you I'm your author the amazing super you think that I own final fantasy 7, then where the hell is my money?!?! Until I get it, so it's not mine! Enjoy or not.

**This is a write of this fic, the original came out about 6 year ago. I hoping it reads better now, with less grammar and spelling errors. Hoping you enjoy the humor, as much as I enjoyed rereading and writing it.**

Another day has dawn over the beautiful beach paradise of Costa del sol. The bright sun rays filter though the gap in the blinds on to the face of a certain hero. Cloud rolled over trying in vain to block out the morning sun.

Uhh, another dawn of a another day he thinks. Blinking his eyes open, he gazed over to the sleeping form of Tifa next to him. Smiling he climbs out of bed to venture out in search of breakfast. Being careful not to wake his wife, he wandered into the hallway of their villa Cloud was greeted by the normal morning noise of his housemates.

"What the hell do you need all the bread for?" A voice sounding like imitation voice of John Wayne calls out, ahh the love able pilot of the highwind, my friend and yours, Cid!

"I wanna toast it then make a house of cards out of it! BEEP!" A mechanical (and since the life Scottish) voice of the toy cat bellowed out 5 times any normal volume by Cait (no Sith, Cait had to return him to the wild.)

"Now, now boys don't fight. I'm sure every one can share" Aeris, ever the voice of reason, the flower girl of hope and full time zombie. Cloud watches as one of her fingers falls into her milk.

Cloud walks into the kitchen to the scene unfolding of Cait and Cid pulling on both ends of the loaf of bread. With Aeris in between martyring.

"Look guys stop fighting some one is going to get hurt" Cloud using his I'm serous, if you're not careful, you damn kid voice.

"Fine! BEEP!" Bellowed the toy cat letting go of the bread. This caught Cid by surprised whose arm wipes back and hits Aeris in the face with the bread. Inflicting ten-hp damage to her.

"Oh poops!" Where she promptly crumples up and dies again. Absent minded Cloud throws down a phoenix down, with out a second thought to it.

"Look what you did! What would you of done if that hit someone important like Tifa or Vincent." Cloud rolls his eyes and tuts at them. "Hmmm, ask your selves that before you

do some thing stupid" With one lecture all ready done for the day Cloud decides to go out for breakfast before any thing else could happen. As soon as Clouds leaves.

"Hey! BEEP! You wanna shave Red XIII?!?!?!?" Cait held up a razor and waved it under Cid's nose.

"Hell yeah!" Cid rushes out with Cait. Aeris at last awakens, looks around looking for the others. "Why does every one leave me?" Catching her reflection in the windowpane. "Oh yeah I'm a zombie. Now where can I get some brains this time of day?" Off in search off sweet, sweet brains Aeris shuffles out of the kitchen.

Another room, another sleeper awaking from a sweet dream. Stretching out her limbs she smiles to herself. The sun is rising fast high in the sky. She'd over slept but, Oh well maybe this is the day! She thought to her self. Her mind slipping back to the dream. Maybe today would be the day she and Vincent finally would go out. With these happy thoughts in her mind she jumps out of bed to get ready for the day ahead and what a day it will be! Strolling out of her room, down the corridor to the bathroom. Suddenly she is pounced on by Aeris who was hiding in the shadows waiting for pray.

"Brains, Brains! I need brains" Aeris taps on the side of Yuffies. "Oh, no brains" and starts to shuffle away.

"Hey Aeris wait!" Yuffie calls out to flower girl of the damned.

"Yes" Also followed by a little moan (wow that sounds kinda rude).

"I need advice? How did you get Cloud to go out with you on that date at the golden saucer?" A blush creeped onto the young ninjas face.

"I forced him of course" She smiled sweetly. "Now if you excuse me I looking for lunch." She shuffles off once again. Yuffie prances off to the bathroom with a new plan starting to form in her mind.

Mean while at Shinra HQ or WRO who knows when this is set not me anymore

Reeve studies the person in front of his control desk. From the mans sweeping long hair, to his black clad leather body.

"Right Sephiroth? You do under stand every thing I told you?" Reeve asks a little unsure. Was this the best he could do? Well it was him or Cid and he didn't want to come back to find the place a huge mess and smelling like cigarettes. "Sephy understands!" Sephiroth replied in tone that he really didn't give a damn if he didn't. "Ok then I'll see ya in two weeks" Where Reeve promptly rips off his suit revelling short and a colourful flower shirt. Slipping some shades on. "Vacation time!" And walks out the room. Sephiroth glances round the room to make sure no one is around. A huge grin appears on his face.

"Buttons, buttons, buttons. Who's got the buttons?" A even bigger grin appears on his face as he looks down at the huge console covered in buttons, which control all of Shinra or maybe WROs workings "Sephiroth has the buttons!" He stares at a big blue button, his finger hovering inches away. "PRESS!"

In room 64 B level 67. The Turks are having a meeting. "All in favour say I?" Tseng says while razing his hand. All apart from Reno "I!" "All apposed" Tseng asks this time. "me?" In a meek little voice comes issuing from Reno. "The motion is passed members of the Turks can no longer where puffy pink shirts to work." There was a general agreement from Turks. Of course apart from Reno who was muttering about how life was so unfair. When a red light appeared out of the ceiling flashing, followed by a voice that announced that there were intruders in the room. "What the hell we're the only one in here" shouted Tseng angrily. "I'll try over riding the system" Elena rushed over to the computer, putting in their pass codes to this area. The computer informed her that she and the others were unauthorised users and the room would be exposed to gas in ten seconds. With a quick look to each other they knew what the procedure was.

"EVERY MAN FOR YOUR SELVES!" Shouts Rude. There was a rush of movement and shouts of panicked Turks trying to fit though the door. Elena slammed the door behind her just in time as the gas starts flooding the room. Tseng did a mental check of his Turks. Blondie check, baldie check, boozie noooo.

"Where the hells Reno?" He shouted scanning the area for the red headed, drinker.

Back in the room.

"Oh shit, Oh shit" Remembering he had goggles. They would save him! He thought defiantly, while sliding them on. The gas ever filling the room more. Outside. The other Turks were listening outside the door. "Do you think he's alright?" Asked a worried Elena. If he died it meant more work for her. A shout issued from the other side of the door. "THE GOGGLES THEY DO NOTHING!" He screamed in pain. "He's fine" A grinning Tseng answered, that'll teach him for stealing my pink puffy shirts!.

Back to the villa.

It was near lunch and Vincent was woken from shouts from the room next to his. A mixture of swearing, screaming, a buzz of a shaver, beeping and the roar of RedXIII. Well it was Reds room. Vincent proceeded to hammer on the wall. "Some of us are contemplating self-damnation here!" What jerks, he never got any peace round here. How was he supposed to brood? Oh well he might as well get up. He walked over to his windows and pulled the curtains open, light pours in. "Arr it burns" He raises his hands to his eyes. Aeris at this point shuffles in.

"Hey I'm the only undead freak allowed round here bud" Shaking her decomposing finger at him. "Sorry Aeris. Any way time for feedings" He was really hungry and maybe Yuffie would be there. "Yeah I so hungry, I still haven't eaten yet." So Vincent walked while Aeris shuffled for to the kitchen for lunch.

Everyone in the Costa del sol household had assembled for lunch. Tifa was cooking at the stove, while the others were round the table discussing what they were going to do today. RedXIII was covered in bald spots and sulking. Barret was starting work as a lumberjack today, so was dressed head to toe in flannel and a bobble hat. Aeris was decomposing happily bits of her were falling on to the floor. Cloud was graceful inserting cutlery into his hair. He waved a spoon in front of his face.

"Drum roll please" Calls out Cloud as the spoon enters the hair. Joining 2 forks, a butter knife and several hair combs all ready there. Cheers of joy from Vincent can be heard "Do the toast rack! The toast rack!" Getting really work up Cloud inserts the toast rack. Being quite large he gave it a shove. There was a loud crack and a yelp from Cloud.

"I think I've broke something!" he cries out in alarm. Where one of his huge spikes proceeds to drop off into his hands. "Oh my Sephiroth! Has anyone got any glue?" Cloud proceeds to run round the kitchen clutching the spike like a baby, trying to find the glue.

Yuffie is about to start to eat a muffin, she had just got from the basket on the table. "Hey you can't eat that!" Cid shouts at her. "Why not?" She sticks her tongue out at him.

"Because it's the last chocolate chip and I claimed it!" Insists the ever over bearing Cid. "Oh you really want it, fine" She elegantly licks the muffins and carefully smushs it into Cid's face. "Fine you can have it!" Grinning wide, she pulls back her hand and muffin. Of which only crumbs remain. "Why you little SOB. I kill you with muffins !" Cid grabs as many muffins as he can from the basket and starts to try to smush then into Yuffies face. Screaming in out rage Yuffie jumps up and starts to throw her own load of muffins, from the safe position behind Barret. Soon there is a muffin free for all. The air is thick with muffins of all types and sizes.

"I'm hit" Cries out Vincent. A blue berry muffin, has hit him dead in the face. "Nooooooooooooo Vincent!" Yuffie rushes to his side. "It'll be alright. Stay with me!" There's a cough from Vincent, his eyes roll into his head and he feels limp. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" 5 minutes later the group was out of muffins and breath. Yuffie is still crying over her fallen love. And now that the battle is over Vincent sits up and knocks her off his lap, saying. "We all done? I'm hungry" With shouts of yes and yay and hell yeah. They have lunch. Now with that over.

"I'm off to work. Hi HOOOOOE!" Calls out Barret as he goes off to his new job. (He's a lumberjack you know!)

Vincent glances at Yuffie but still can't muster the courage to ask her out. At the same time Yuffie is giving her self pep talk. "Come on Yuffie do it. Do it. Be forceful! Hey he just looked at me! No pay attention! Do it, do it! Now, now, now, now, now!" She stammers a little "Ur Vincent would you come outside?" "Why? You're not going to rob me?" Vincent confused, paranoid and self consensus as always. "No, I want to talk with you" Talking Vincent could handle. "Ok" The two walk out of the kitchen. In no doubt that some one would try to follow them.

Meanwhile back at Shinra H.Q or maybe WRO

"Sephy, Sephy, Sephy. Who has the buttons? Sephy that's who!" Sephy, I mean Sephiroth, is doing a little jig around the console. Then stops in front of the buttons. "Oh so many colours! Sephy knows not which to choose! Sephy knows!" A idea of great inspiration hitting him. "Iip, dip, dog shit! Sephys finger press it!" His finger is over a huge green button. "Sephy PRESS!"

Back in the kitchen.

"BEEP, BEEP REAL BAD BEEP! THIS IS BAD BEEP! IT HURTS!" To which Cait explodes. Parts of him cogs and all, fly all over the room.

"Wow, I didn't think it could happen but.." Cid holds up a packet. "Hojo has his own breakfast cereal! Hojo O's for growing mutant, experiment, lab freaks! Just right for you Cloud" Throws the cereal at Cloud, Which breaks off another of his spikes. "Nooo! When will this horror end!" "Why are we eating cereal after lunch?" Inquired by Tifa. "Oh well munch, munch"

Bored of this set of morons lets see what's going on outside.

"So, What did you want to talk about Yuffie?" Yuffie was trying to take great interest in her shoes, cute purple baseball bots if you want to unlike herself she come over all shy. When she Vincent asks this question. "I was wondering. Um if you want to of course. If you'd like to. Um you don't have to of course!" Oh how did Aeris do this its so hard! She thought, I'm getting this all wrong! "What is it Yuffie? You seem all worried and self consensus. Oh! And sweaty and clammy handed too!" He couldn't help but point out. What's up with her. Oh I hope, I can help her.

"Willyougooutwithmetonight?" It came shooting out in huge stream of words. Oh god i sound like such a dork. I bet he thinks i more of a freak none! A few second past as Vincent try to decode. Did she really just ask me? But of course the answer is. "Yes?" Vincent said, just as confused, paranoid and self conscious as ever, Yuffie jumps in the air doing a little dance as soon as she lands and singing. "I'm queen of thieves! I'm queen of thieves! Look at me dance! Look at me dance! Happy dance! Happy, happy dance!"

"Sorry to interrupt you. But where do you want to go?" A blush spreading on his face. Stopping in mid dance, a huge smile on her face. "Surprise me. I'm off to make my self beauty-fi! See ya at 7!" Skipping off to the hair dressers. Oh god! Vincent mumbles to himself What the hell shall i wear. She won't to be seen out with a brooding sad sack dressed like a vamp! I need help. He rushes back in to the house to find the one person who can help him. But unknown to him the main reason Yuffie likes him, is because he's the hot, breading, dark soul kinda guy! (Which i so agree with)

"CLOUD!" Breaking the ear drums in the process of trying to get his attention. Vincent tries again when he is ignored. "I NEED HELP" Cloud glances up at him with the look of eternal displease. He was trying to read big sword monthly, for guys who need to compensate. Sephiroth subscribed too. "Why should I help you?" Vincent thinks for a moment. "Because other then Tifa and Yuffie. I'm the only other person you like." Cloud shakes his head. "Umm I'll polish your sword for 2 weeks (wow this also sounds rude I never noticed till now)" Cloud shakes his head again. "I will give you a years supply of hair gel?" No again from the spiked head warrior. "I know! I'll give you my mint condition copy of sailor moon N.1." Cloud jumps up and sticks out his hand. "Done. Now what do you want help with?"

"I haven't told you yet. But I've got a date tonight and.." Cloud starts skipping around like a ten year old. "Ahhh. Our little Vinnie got a date. How cute! Vinnie's got a date! Vinnie's got a date! Who with a girl? Is she pretty? Vinnie likes girls!" Cloud sang in the voice of a little girl, Vincent sticks out his arm catching Cloud in a close line. Cloud slumps to the floor. "Stop! Look I just need a few tips on what to wear and do! I haven't been on a date in 30 years and the last one didn't turn out so well!" Cringing with bad memories of the last time he went out with a member of the opposite sex, damn them all! "Hmm this maybe challenging but lets start!" Cloud grasps Vincent by the hair and pulls him in to the bathroom, the echo of screaming can be heard all over Costa del sol.

Seven O'clock

Yuffie is waiting for Vincent. She gone all out dressed in a light green cut off dress and her hair in a cute bun. She tapped her foot impatiently on the wall. Where was he? Maybe he changed his mind? Oh god he hates me! Her thoughts running wild at reasons for him being late. The sound of the front door of the villa opening startled her from her thoughts. She glanced at the person. she couldn't believe her eyes. "Vincent?" In front of her the normal sexy, dark and brooding ex Turk had been transformed into ......

"Do you like it Yuffie? I did it just for you?" A very scary Cloud look a like! Some how they had managed to gel his hair into 2ft tall spikes, his red bandanna gone. He was wearing PURPLE! Purple trousers with a purple polo neck top, which has had the selves cut off. It was a truly horrifying site. One Cloud is bad enough. "Why? Dear Sephiroth why?" Yuffie was devastated. this was just wrong almost as wrong as the time Cid dress up as a girl and ran around singing "I'm a pretty little girl, give me hugs and kisses" "I thought i needed a new look?" He was cress fallen. He was so sure she would like it.

"But why, that look? You look like Cloud! You look like a freak!" She was freaking out here ,finely they were going out and he decides to become Cloud. "Hey! Cloud happens to be my hero! I thought his great fashion advice would be good!" No matter how much I love her, there's no way she can talk bad about my hero like that. "Ha Cloud and fashion sense don't mix in the same sentence. He thinks that making your air stick up like a hedgehog with a major growth problem stuck on top your head is cool! What's your point?" God why were men so frustrating. "Look can you just change please?"

"Fine if that's what you want. But I'm keeping the underwear. It's so roomy!" Rushing back into the house to get changed. After about 15 minutes he's back to his old self. (YAY!) "Yayness! That's what i was looking forward to, lets go" Yuffie remarked on Vincent's return. "So where are we going?" She asked. Hoping up and down in excitement. Yes hoping, that's what all the cool kids do yo. "Well i thought we could go to the movies, then who knows" Starting to lead the way to the Costa del sol megaplex. "Oh double yayness! I love the movies."

Back again at Shinra HQ or WRO.

"So who do you thinks cuter?" Rufus holds up two photos. "Cloud or Vincent?" "Oh! Oh! Cloud I love blonds!" Shouts out Scarlet from her seat in front of him. "Really I like Vincent he's got that whole tall, dark and brooding air!" He pulls out another two photos "Ok what about Sephiroth or Tseng?" "Don't make me choose! Oh they're both so cute!" Scarlet squealed, she just can't choose!

Meanwhile else where in the Shinra HQ.

Sephiroth has constructed a mini throne from waste paper bins, jenova limbs and chilli bean tins. Sitting on top he surveys his kingdom of buttons. "Sephy is god. You are all his tiny slaves!" He proclaimed, pointing at the buttons with his new pointing stick (aka broom handle). "Live, live, live, live" his pointy stick moves from button to button. Until it's over a flashing yellow one. "Sephy say die! PRESS!"

Upstairs again!

"Yes I have to say Reno is much cuter then Rude." Scarlet points to the picture of Reno. "Can I keep that?" Scarlet asked, the picture is a little racy if you get my drift. Reno + house plant - clothing = goodness. "Sure I have tons" Rufus hands her the photo, suddenly and without warning an alarm begins to flash red. "WARNING! WARNING!" The computer's voice boomed over the P.A. "HOJO HAS BEEN RELEASED FROM HIS CAGE! LOCK ALL DOORS AND WINDOWS! TURN OFF YOUR ENGINE! THE TURKS SHALL BE HERE IN A MOMENT! DO NOT PANIC! HE IS ONLY MILDLY DANGEROUS! DO NOT GET HIM ON YOUR SKIN! DO NOT LET HIM MATE YOU WITH SOME OTHER CREATURE" "Who the fuck let him out!" Rufus yelled running to the containment area with Scarlet wheezing and lagging behind. "huff I'm outta huff shape!" Rufus rushes into an elevator, Scarlet speeds up. "Wait! wheeze! For! hack coff Me!" But Rufus just closes the doors and disappears from sight, Scarlet stands there alone when suddenly the lights on that level went out, there was a scuttling sound in the air vents.

"Eep!"

**The end for now.**

Will Yuffie and Vincent ever get on their date. Will Rufus ever get though this Hojo disaster! Will Sephy destroy the whole of Shinra or the WRO! Who knows wait till the next chapter of Much ado Yuffie love!


	2. Alls fair in love and Sehpy

**All's fair in love and Sephiroth **

Hi ya. I'm back from my very, very long break of writing to hopefully this will be the 2nd chap of "Much ado about crazy love". Mondays are flavoured yellow. Think about it! Oh yes, I don't own finial fantasy 7 or any other popular culture reference I make while writing. This chapter is a bit more serous but not really.

**Again this is a rewrite of old fic, I hope to post a new never before send chapter soon.**

We rejoin our story as Vincent and Yuffie entering the Costa del Sol megaplex. The evening has drawn in, but the hot climate of the town meant people were wearing bare shoulders. Vincent glanced over to his date. She looked so beautiful in the half-light. She saw him staring at her and smiles up at him. He feels his cheeks filling with blood, so he quickly turns away, so she won't catch him blushing.

"So what you wanna see?" Yuffie asks, while looking up at the posters displayed on the out side the building. "Umm…. What do you want to see?" Vincent hadn't gone to the movies, let alone been on a date in at least a few decades! His brain was starting to over load with all the strain of it all. "How about "Van Hellsing" It's supposed to be good?" Her eyes lingering on his face all the time. "No, its give a bad image of the undead. It offends me morally and physically" Sneering at the poster with disgust. "I'm sorry Yuffie I'm not up to date on movies, last time I went, I saw, Star Wars: A New Hope, just pick what ever…" "Star what? Ok! I wanna see… That one!" She squeals in delight while pointing at a poster, which has a large kitten on the front all cuddly and cute.

"Are you sure you want to see this "Mr cute saves cuddle town!" Looking at the poster made him feel sick. It made the demons in his head feel like killing and eating this so called Mr Cute. "Hell yeah I love kittens. Their so cute!" She grabs Vincent's arm and drags him to the lobby. "**Lets go! Kitty power away!**" She shouts at the top of her voice.

Some where in a forest

_It's a lonely life in woods. You chop wood all day and what do you get. Nothing! Well not nothing, you get logs of course. But other than the logs, nothing! Well there are the beavers too but there so damn cocky with their built in chainsaws, thank you Shinra._ Barret interrupted his train of thought with another chop with his axe brought down on the tree. _The tree was pretty much cut though one more go and it should come down._ He gave one more mighty swing and CRACK. Now here's something to think about, what sound does a tree falling on Barret make when there's no one else around? Answer: a painfully but yet hilarious one that what. All that is left of the not so dear leader of avalanche is his gun arm and a woolly hat.

Back to the date.

The lobby was brightly light and decked out in a gold and red theme of them old time theatres you see in the 50's. There was a popcorn stand on the left and ticket booths on the right. While there were many plush double doors in front of them leading to the screens. Yuffie dragged Vincent to the right, to join the line. The place was packed with people of all ages. Kids ran out between they're legs. Teenage girls chatted loudly about their last fashion purchase. As the line inched on and on. Vincent couldn't help but stare at Yuffie. He'd never seen her look so, well like a girl. Which was making things stir up down blow if you know what I mean (Wink, wink!) Dear god that hadn't moved since Lucrecia had flash him by accident nearly 30 years ago. They brought the tickets for their movie and moved over to the concessions line.

In front of them a very fat women, well hopefully a women because pigs didn't have blond hair (Unless their Miss Piggy). "I'll have a large popcorn, chocolate raisins, 2 hot dogs, chips , frisps, crisps, dips, happy burger kiddy meal with free Rufus action figure(with wheel chair), pasta, stick o lard, penny royal tea, warm milk, lemonade and cherry flavoured antacids. Oh and a diet coke! Gotta watch my weight!" She left with a armload of food, bringing Yuffie and Vincent to the front of the queue. "Man I could eat a horse Vinnie!" She squeals to him, she turns to the attendant who just asked them what they wanted. "I'll have a large doctor pepper, a medium popcorn and a random selection of sugar covered sugar!" Vincent looked up and down the rows offering random amounts of sugar on display. "I'll just have a still water" Yuffie looked over at him and made a that's so boring face. "And a small chocolate bar" Yuffies smile lifted at last he was making a effort.

After paying for the supplies, as Yuffie was calling them. They made their way though the plush double doors. "We're in screen number 4" Piped up Yuffie. The inside of the cinema was also decorated out in red and gold too. Just as they choose their seats 3rd from the back row. The lights dimmed low and then to darkness. The screen starts to flicker with light. The trailers for the summers realises begin to start. Vincent tries to concentrate on them, but is distracted because Yuffie was playing with her sweets. Making the sugar teddy bears dance around, with the sugar monkeys. It's was so cute., he just wanted to grab her and cuddle the life out of her, but he was cool, proud Vincent. After watching the sugar teddy bears dance turn into a blood sport killing of sugar monkeys. Who ended up in Yuffies mouth. He wasn't so sure it was still cute. Mr cute saves cuddle town appeared on the scene. Yuffie looked up in excitement "Yayness, I've been waiting ages to see this." Vincent start to relax as the cutie, cutie music started to play, soon he had relaxed so much that he's falling asleep. Yuffie glances over at Vincent who was happily snoring away with a cute little smile on his face. Yuffie went back to the film grinning.

We return at last to Shinra/WRO

Sephiroth lounges on his throne. Legs kicked up over the arm. "Sephy's hungry, but Sephy can not leave his throne. His kingdom of buttons." He muses, what he needs is subjects, slaves to wait on him. He glances down at the glowing screens. Elena is strolling alone the 40th floor looking for Hojo, the same floor that Sephiroth just happened to be on. A idea forms in his mind. Giggling he waits untile she's just out side his door and pounces. "I am Sephy, lord of all things blinky, champion of the buttons and king of all things on the screen. And you shall be be my honored wench." He grins down at her, as she struggles under his weight. "What the hell? Sephiroth? Your back again?" He doesn't answer her questions, just drags her back to office by her arms. Throwing her down at the base of his throne. He jumps to his seat of power. "You shall get me food wench." She glares up at him. "Whats in it with me?" Sephiroth takes his time in thinking. "Other then being in the service of the wonderful Sephy, I grant those who serve me well. By letting them push one button" Now Elena isn't stupid she quickly caught on Sephiroth had created the Reno and Hojo problems by a push of a button. But the temptation was to great "I'll do. Anything in general you wish to eat? Sephy" Nearly giggling at the last part. "Sugar, sweets, caffeine, booze. Now go wench" Elena scurried out the room. Hmmm the only place to find those items together was Rufus's office. She shrugged to her self. It was worth the risk.

Back in Costa del sol villa

Cloud has final glued back his spikes, now sticking out at new disjoint angles. Coming out the bedroom into the hall he hears Tifa and Aries chatting to someone in the living room. A flash of silver and black leather form the bathroom catches his eye. Sephiroth in his own home, even after all the anti-Sephiroth devices he put up around his villa (yaro porn of Sephiroth) He sweeps the legs of the guy in front of him. "Whaaaaaa big brother you so mean." Huge tears of rolling down the face of the man in front him. "I'm telling mum on you when. Get him" Clouds brain ticks and tocks while staring down at the mans short silver hair. "Hey wait a minute your not Sephiroth. He has hair like sailor mars!." Some one in the living room mumbles "I better check on him every little thing set him off. Last week he start because mother didn't like his "I love jenova" tattoo" The women in the living room giggle. Cloud glances at the man who's walked into the hallway. In a vision of silver and black leather Cloud leaps at the man in front of him. "I'll get you now Sephiroth! You'll pay for stealing my puffy pink shirt!" Pulling out his double bladed sword. The man cuts away one of Clouds glued on spike. "Oh big brother you looked like you needed a trim." He giggles to himself. "My hair you monster." Tears roll down his face now. "Come big brother your as bad, as Loz. Crying like a baby" Clouds teary eyes focus on the man in front of him. "Huh your not him either, but my hair my lovely hair. I shall never forgive this" A call rings out from the living room. "Now boys play nice. Cloud get in here and meet our last guest." Cloud huffs to Kadaj "I'll deal with you later."

Stomping into the living room. He is met with the sight of a silver haired, leather clad man. Arms draped over both zombie Aries and his wife Tifa. Both giggling and blushing like school girls at a joke he's just told. He smiles up leering at Cloud. Rushing towards the man that again he thinks is Sephiroth. All he can think is damn you, bastard just because you're a little visually appealing. Don't act so cool when your not, you poser. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid. I'll make you die, I'll definitely make you die! But the man leaps quicker and lands on top of Cloud. Leaning in close. "My girls your right, my dear brother is quite the looker" He brushes his lips against Clouds. "OMG boy germ! Ewwww ewww ewww" Cloud pushes him off, screaming like a 8 year old girl and runs out the villa. "Hey Yazoo, I know the perfect guy for ya. He got tasty brains very tasty" Zombie Aries grins at him. "Rufus" She tries to wink at him, but her decaying eye socket. Drops he eyeball out rolling across the floor. "Oh shoot not again some one grab it. Before RedXIII eat it again. I'm not wanting to dig though his litter box again."

At the multiplex

Vincent has a nice pool of drool, settled in a dip in his cloak. Yuffie grinning to her self has arranged a group of sugar bears around the edge. A few sugar monkeys are swimming in the drool pool. A origami crane made out of sweet packet watches over them from his head. Yuffie grins to herself, this is far more fun then the film.

The end for now.

Super Calisto- Hoped you liked this chap please, please, please, read and review. If you have any suggestions I'm always open! I love you all and most of all I love pie.


	3. Et tu Vincent

**Et Tu Vincent?**

Hey every body this is the new chap of Much about Yuffie Love. Now this is the first real chap I've written since 2005. So my writing style may of changed since then, as the only thing I've done so far is rewrites. As always I do not own FF7 or any other references to anything ever. Enjoy your crack and please review.

The stars are shinning over Costa del sol and the moon is bright. People strolled around town enjoying the warm and quite night. Well nice and quite until a certain mildly insane, quite stupid, sword loving and sailor moon fan. Bursts through the front door of his villa, screaming at the top his voice. "Boy germs icky icky boy germs.!" Scrubbing his skin with a wire wool. RedXIII who'd been staring up at the moon, with Cid by his side drinking a beer. "Would you look at that." Cid swigs his beer "Look at what?" RedXIII nods his head towards the moon. "Someones craved a smiley face in to the moon. Signed it Sephy" Cid throws his can of beer to the floor. "Shit I want to do that. Damn, I cant be out done. I'm going to build my own rocket to the moon, with hookers, and black jack. Then drawn my face on the moon" Cid storms back to the villa. RedXIII tagging along. I mean Cid + Beer + rockets = fun to watch.

Now we zoom in on the Shinra/WRO building.

Elena had made it to the top floor where both Reeves and Rufuss offices were. The lights were flicking on and off. The siren and voice recording about the escaped Hojo played on. She leaned flush against the wall, her gun out in front. She pushes the door to Rufuss office open, a sticking clear goo covers the nob. "Ewww what was Rufus doing in here." The lights in the office are dim. The sticky trail leads to the desk, which is covered on photo's of semi or fully naked pictures of men. "Reno, Cloud, Vincent, Cid, Reeve, Rude. Where the hell did he get all these photo's" She wonders allowed. Well I guess this explains the sticky trail ewwwwww. But these were some pretty tasty photos, so she pockets them. You know to keep them out of the wrong hands. Tee hee hee. Elena starts going though the desk draws. "Life size Sephiroth doll, puffy pink shirt, geostigma bandages, Rufus action figure. Man how deep are these draws! Ahh here we" Elena pulls out a box, labeled sugar, sweets, caffeine, booze emergency supply, hands off signed R.S. Elena tucks the box under her arm, a scuttling sound echos form the hallway. Her eyes turn to the sticky door. A hand white with long finger appears, a man with long black hair dress in a lab coat, also dripping in goo pulls himself into the office.

"Hello my dear would you like to mate with Jenova? Or maybe I could inject you with some nice mako?" Raising a glowing needle up in the air. Elena hides blow the desk. Her mind working a mile a minute. Shit, shit, shit, shit, I'm going to die, or get raped, or pumped full of mako or worse forced to rub sun cream on his back! Just because her mind is working didn't mean it was working well. "Come out, I won't hurt you." Looks around at the items on the floor. Think think what can I use. Her eyes land on the life size Sephiroth doll. Pushing the doll to stand up right, Elena puts on her best Sephiroth voice. Which is pretty crap. "Urrr Hello Dad it me Sephiroth. Your son." She wiggles the doll side to side. "Sephiroth my boy you finally came back to me! I'm so happy. Would you like a jenova limb on a stick" Elena shudders in discuss. "Err not now dad I have to the gold saucer. You know to be evil and stuff" Hojo leaps for the Sephiroth doll. 'Noooo Don't leave me alone, everyone leaves me." Elena with box under arm rushes out the office and down the stairs. Mission complete even if it was both incredibly creepy and disgusting. A security camera films her escape. Sephiroth watches in the control room. "Sephys thinks good work wench"

And finally we return to the happy couple.

Vincent still sleeping, still covered in sweets. Mr cute saves cuddle town, has reach the middle of it dramatic tale of love, loss and cute little Kitty's. Mr cute is about to make his dramatic confession of love, to his long lost girl. All the females in the audience are swooning, eyes wide with tears. When suddenly Mr cutes monologue is interrupted by Vincent. " Why are your hands in my pants" Vincent loudly mumbles in his sleep. All eyes are now on Yuffie and Vincent the film forgotten, noticing the drool, sweets, origami crane and tower on popcorn on Vincent. Yuffie blushes bright red, raising her hands in the air. To prove that her hands are not in his pants. "I mean your a guy" Vincents head rolls to the other side facing Yuffie. If possible she blushes even hard. Bar flashing the audience her tits, there was no way to prove that she was a chick. "But I Don't wanna wear a dress next time we go out" A mother and her young daughter in the row, in front of Yuffie and Vincent looks mortified. "I didn't come here for my daughter to be influenced by you cross dressing, transgender, perverts! I get enjoy of that at home on TV with the Trouble Turks show." The women storm out the theater her daughter being dragged along, looking like she wanted to stay and hear more. Many other member of the audience joined the mother and daughter in the mass storm out as well.

Until just preteens and teens are left. They're find Yuffies and Vincents antics much more amusing then the film, waiting to see what happens next. Yuffie shrugs and starts doing what see does best stealing. Leaning over the seat on front of her, she starts nicking the popcorn, sweets and drink. Left behind by the mass store out of parent and their kids. Carefully piling on more sweets on Vincent and building the pop corn tower up so its level with his head. "Rufus I don't want to play with you anymore" Grumbles Vincent, Ahhh sigh Yuffie that's who been torturing her poor Vincent. Another one to add to the list of enemies. Which also included Cloud for just being so damn stupid, Reno for trying to cop a feel , Tifa for having bigger boobs then her and Cid roped her to the haul of highwind because she puked on the controls.

Outside the Villa

Cid and RedXIII are carefully arranging what to most looks like a pile of junk. Cid pulls a list out of his pockets and puts a pair of glasses on. "Hey I didn't know you wore glasses?" Enquires RedXIII. "Yeh well Shera made me start wearing them, after I kinda ran down Reeve with the Highwind" RedXIII looks at him confused. "How can you kinda run over Reeve" Cid shrugs and looks sheepish. "Well Replace kinda with repeatably and sorta with driving straight into the WRO building into Reeves office. While Reeve was still in it, to my defence that place is not very well lit at night" RedXIII rolls his one good eye, while Cid grins on. "Ok lets get on with it. Outer haul (Dust bin or for Americans trash can), Rockets (50 fire works strapped to the bin) viewing dome (Tifa glass cooking bowel) advance communication device (PHS), space suit (Loz's leathers their the only ones Cid could fit in and a gold fish bowel) and General Lee paint job(the bin had been painted orange with the flag on the side)." RedXIII checked all items were in place and ready to go. "We are all ready and set captain" Cid lowered himself in to the so called shuttle. Sticking his thumbs in the air to let him know he was ready. RedXIII shock his head Cid would be lucky to even have thumbs after this. RedXIII lite the fuse with his tail backing off, as quick as possible. Covering his eyes with his paws.

The rocket quickly races up into the air, Cid's excited shouts can be heard all over town. Cloud looks up just as the force of the blast breaks off the other spike, he had re-glued back on. "Noooooooooooo", RedXIII looks up in excitement, howling with joy. But it is short lived, the rocket is already spinning out of control. Its heading toward the villa. RedXIII rushes inside, just into to see the rocket hit Aeris. Inflicting 10 hp of damage. "Ahhh fudge muffins" She cries before crumpling to the floor. Cid exits the rocket. "Greeting moon men. I bring you peace." Tifa, Yazoo, Kadja and RedXIII glare up at him. "Opps, Hey is that then Dukes on TV?" They all nod, Cid throws off his helmet and jumps on the vacate spot on the sofa.

We Return To The Theatre

Mr cute saves cuddle town has ended, the town was saved and he got the girl. There was a twist ending in that Mr Cute wasn't a cat at all, but a cat like synthetic product. The audience was disappoint as there had yet to be any more drama from the couple at the back. Yuffie glance over to Vincent. I guess I better wake him up, but he's so cute when he's sleeping. She leans in close to his ear. "Vincent, Oh Vincent" No reaction. "Wake up little guy" She gently blows inn his ear. "I don't wanna go to school mum" He mumbles. "This is the voice of GOD Vincent wake the hell up" Still no reaction, damn might as well try he last resort. She promptly licks his ear. "What the ....." He jumps out of his seat, sweets go flying, drool goes high and popcorn tower has flown up. The sweets are first to land "Ahhhh sugar in my eye" the drool is next "Ahh drool in my eye" and luckily the popcorn lands in his hair with the crane. The crowd of waiting teens cheer at this new development.

Yuffie is on the floor in fits of giggle. Vincent glares down at her. "Come Vinnie don't be mad. You did sleep through the whole of our date" He looks back guiltily. "Sorry" She smiles back up at him. "Come on, you can join me in a drink" Vincent looks down at her "Do you think we'll both fit?" He pulls her to her feet. She brushes away the pop corn and crane from his hair. "Why not we're both slim and sexy" She starts to drag him along by his Golden claw. When suddenly pop! It flys off and hits Yuffie in the face. "What the hell? It comes off?" Vincent wiggles his bare hand at her. "I only wore it to add to my whole dark and brooding look. But we better catch it quick, before it hurts some one" But too late the claw arm thing has already scuttled away, to the exit. Yuffie and Vincent start to give chase and make to the exit of the cinema. But stop when they realise their holding hands. Looking down at their hands they both blush, shyly grinning at each other. Forgetting all about the runaway claw. "Hey you wanna go walk on the beach?" Vincent smiles at her. "Sure." Unknown someone is watching in the bushes. Ooooooo what juicey gossip, I've got to tell the others. The figure runs back to the villa.

The end of chap 3, I hope you enjoyed it.

A shout to Wazy on deviantArt, who draws the Vincent citrus in my eye comics. Which I knew I had to add in her somewhere as their the queen of Vincent crack comics.


	4. To Yuffie or not Yuffie?

**To Yuffie or not Yuffie?**

Here I am again, with only a pretty short chap. Strange to think its taken 4 years or more to write. Please review and let me know what you think.

All characters are own by squarecinx or what ever their called now days. R&R

Cloud burst in to the villa. "Guess what I saw"

The occupants urn round in their seats and glared at him "Shhhhhhhh, we're trying to find something to watch" Tifa flicks through the TV channels remote in her hands. The channel playing a advert for Hojo O's the best breakfast for a growing mako freak. "Noooooooooooo" The room calls out. "But but but I just saw" Cloud pleads for them. "Shhhhh, TV" TV waves the remote in his face. The chibi Turk show is on the next channel, the show foe kids who want to grow up and chase terrorists. "Noooooo" The channel is flipped again. Every body loves Godo is on, a propaganda film for wutai. "Nooooooooooooo" Cloud stands in front of the TV "Guys you gotta listen to me!" A empty beer flys passe his ear and smashes on the wall. "Epp" Cloud ducks under the coffee table. Tifa speeds up the channel surfing. A news report about the trouble at WRO HQ is on. "Nooo" A old black and white film , with a zombie eating some ones brains flash's on. "Hey I find this highly offensive" Pipes up Aeris. The channel flicks again. GWF is on(or better know as Gaia Wrestling Federation) the Mako Man is fight Limit break larry in a no holds match! "I always liked those skin tight outfit" Interjects Loz. Tifa huffs to her self, turning off the TV "There doesn't seem to be anything on. So you might as well tell us what you saw Cloud." Cloud pokes his head out from under the coffee table. "Well I saw Vincent and Yuffie heading to the beach from their date. And I was thinking...." "Come Cloud you never think" Snips in RedXIII "Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr where was I" Drool drips from Clouds mouth. "Yuffie and Vincent" Tifa snaps her fingers in front of Clouds face. "Oh yeah! We should spy on them."The group thinks for a moment. They stand as one and head outside. "Wooo lets mozy on out" Calls out Cloud.

We return to the WRO building.

Elena on her knees holds up the box of sweets, candy, booze and drugs to Sephiroth. From this throne of trash he looks down. "You have done well wench" He eyes the box greedily, stabbing his sword through it and bring the box up to him. He open the the box ans start to consume the treats in side. "What of my reward sire" Elena calls up. "You shall get double the reward for such a great treat. I first rename you from wench, too commander Elenie bringer of sugar. And you may press one button of your choice." Elenie commander bringer of sugar eyes the buttons hungrily. She giggles to her self "Buttons buttons Elenie has the the buttons. Sephiroth taps the back of her arm. "But choose wisely or it means certain death for us all" Elenie looks up at the screens and spots Tensg in his office. "This will teach you to say no to commander Elenie bringer of sugar." And presses the nice purple button next to the screen. "You choose well my commander, that's the timey wimey button" Sephiroth beams down at her, his face covered in sugar. Eyes wild with the rush.

Vincent and Yuffie still hand in hand stroll down to the beach. They decided to avoid the crowds and just grab some win from the liquor store. (AN- Yuffie is over 18 in this story and I'm from the UK where you can drink at 18) They found a quite spot next to some dunes and tall grass. Sitting on the soft sand and looking up at the stars on the clear night. Vincent look over to Yuffie unsure what to say. The tall grass behind them seems to suddenly get denser and more giggly. Yuffie smiles back at him pass him a glass of wine. "Vincent there was something I wanted to ask you. Well I was surprised you said yes to come out with me. So I want to know why?" Vincent plays around with the sand and his now bare hands. "Well your the only girl I know who's isn't dead, a zombie, married, a whore or a bitch" Yuffie gives him a cold look "oh" In the distance you hear some on mutter "Men he's stupider then Cloud" And a equally muttered "Hey" Vincent realising a tad quicker then Cloud would, that he sounds like a nob. " I mean you funny, cute, good at stealing, a great ninja and fighter. And I like see you every day. I even wrote a song for you" He looks down blushing into his cape. "You wrote a song for me? Can I hear it" Yuffie puppy dog eyes shining bright at him. "Of course" Some how producing a battered guitar from his cape. Another mutter echos form the tall grass "Hey that's my guitar!" Yuffie looks around "I'm sure I just heard Cid. Vincent looks around. "Nah it was just the wind" Vincents gently starts to strum the guitar.

Tseng sitting in his office playing bejeweled on his PC, avoiding the duty of clearing up the Hojo mess.

Suddenly the room starts to glow purple. A voice starts to sound from the over head PA. "Stay relaxed you have been chosen by Shinra to test out our new machine." Out of the ceiling tiles, folds out a huge ray type gun. Its end pointing straight in Tsengs face. "Do not worry the timey wimey particles shall not hurt you. Much" A blast of purple lighting hits Tseng square in the face, as he's push back through a tunnel in time. Clocks fly passed and calenders gain old pages. He's thrown out of the tunnel square on to his back. Blinking up as a crowd forms round him. A man in red leather duster pulls him up. Tseng looks around the young faces of Genesis, Angeal, Zack, Sephiroth, and Cloud surround him. "Hey Tseng we've been looking for you for ages!" Sings Genesis "You know what night its is!" Tseng looks around in horror, it had to be a dream. He couldn't be re;living this all over again. He thought that part of his life was over! "Its chick flick nite! Shouts out Cloud and Zack together. "And its my turn to style your hair" Sephiroth calls out and he starts to drag Tseng down the hall. "The horror the horror!" Screams out as he's dragged away by the giggling group, he's stuck 10 years in his own nightmare of a past.

The end for now.

Please read and review or the evil pies will get me!


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